I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
