i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
