Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
