I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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