I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
