now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
