Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize