True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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