I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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