final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
time to smoke my breakfast
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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