I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
