Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
