i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
