it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
