I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
