jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
