Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
