Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had to cum in my sink.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
