I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
