I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
