Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
