trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
