Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Barsexuality is the new black.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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