We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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