The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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