god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
