im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
