How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
