I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
