Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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