Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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