Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
