No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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