Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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