so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
