I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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