I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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