just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
