Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
