I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just forgot I was standing up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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