Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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