To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
