Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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