Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
