Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
