Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
