just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
