I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize