you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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