Im at strip club and am horny
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
