just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
