i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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