I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
