I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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