Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
