so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
