this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
