my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
