Say something about gay babies.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
