if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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