I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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