Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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