she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
false alarm. still invincible.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
