1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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