Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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