Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
