To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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