I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
