He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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