he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
