I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
