I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
