this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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