i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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