I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
