Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
