I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
