oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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