I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
