I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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