Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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