just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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