i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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